the blues....

getting ready to fill out my forms for the shrink visit tomorrow.  i will probably type them and print them out because they didn't give me enough room to write my answers.  so i am listing to music on youtube.  love listening to beth hart and joe bonamasa.  if you want to hear their best song, in my honest opinion, go to youtube and search for, well wait there is the link:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QgBff_8pJoQ .and then one song leads to another.  man can he play and she sing. this is their copy of an etta james song.  it ain't etta but it is damn close.  love me some etta james.

i took a pto day today and so that is why you are seeing so many posts from me.  i love blues music.  it is music that comes from the soul. weary travellers putting into words their struggles of life.  i can relate to a lot of what they say.

tired....just tired.  i wish life would settle down.  i thought years ago it had.  it probably would had if it wasn't for my bad decisions.  i know can't live in the past, but you have to live in it's shadows as a result of poor decisions.  so one then thinks how far back does the shadows go?  will i ever out run them or simply be overtaken by them.  i know i am suppose to look forward  but not sure how much forward i can look when i see the troubles of every day.

it would be nice to have a shoulder to lean on, but i screwed that up.  it would be nice to have someone close to go bowling or anything with.  so here buddy and i sit. well i sit buddy is always under the covers on the bed.

can one ever get tired of being tired?  i am not sure.  every day i wake up tired...work tired...come home tired...go to be tired.  then repeat.  people, outside of family, that know me see me as the funny. the guy who makes everyone laugh.  the one who is always up.  i can do that because it masks who i am and what i am going through.  it deflects away from me.  people say get out, get in a crowd.  it doesn't matter where i am, i can be lonely and usually am.  then pick yourself up and stop making yourself be blue and sad.  well once again i ain't making myself  be anything.  i could get real sarcastic here but it wouldn't do any good.  some of you will never get it.  some of you get it and what to tell me what to do to get over it.  frankly, keep it to yourself.  i truly don't want to hear it.  can a soul be made to stop feeling?  can a soul ease it's own pain?

i'd rather be a blind man....