anger....

Are you tired and irritable all the time? Have you lost interest in your work, family, or hobbies? Are you having trouble sleeping and feeling angry or aggressive, sad, or worthless? Have you been feeling like this for weeks or months?  Both men and women get depression. But men can experience it differently than women. Men may be more likely to feel very tired and irritable, and lose interest in their work, family, or hobbies.

who would think that feeling angry or aggressive and being irritable are signs of depression?  well in men they are.  before i was diagnosed with depression i can remember having these feelings and having no clue as to why or what trigger such over the top reactions.  normally i am such a easy going person.  and then BOOM.

the first time i was told this was my first visit to a psychologist during the divorce from miriam.  they were dead on.  as we discussed my history they were spot on.  good psychologist and drugs got me over it.

i am not.  not sure how much is from learned behavior, using it to manipulate people, or from my actual depression or from undiscussed and dealt with issues.  i am thinking mostly the latter.  

during my anger all reasoning that would be normal is gone.  in my mine mind i am right and even if you do apologize i will not let you forget it. imy behavior is almost juvenile, that comes from none of my mistakes being forgotten when growing up and being used against me.  and then i become angry at myself for my actions. each day is a loop. 

i need to get past this, way past this.  this is one of the things i am going to talk about with my shrink. and speaking of the shrink, i have an appointment this thursday at 9 AM.  whoo hoo. first step in a long journey called life.